Dahlia's eyes narrow. "Ianto, you were promising resources that weren't yours to give, and putting me in a position where I had to say yes whether I wanted to or not. If I declined, I would look like a monster. And if I accepted, then it wasn't even by my own choice. You weren't offering me a choice, you were saddling me with an obligation. And apparently, according to you, a test of my trust in you as well. Both of which were unfair. Especially when you could have just trusted me to say yes to you if you were to just ask me like an equal partner with her own autonomy."
Her frown deepens and her eyes grow colder.
"In me, you see a mirror that reflects everyone you've lost back at you. And you are so focused on these images that you no longer see me. Even now, as I show you the core of myself, you see Lisa, and you think that we're the same. And that my story will end the same way."
"I can feel, Ianto. And for a while, with you, I was warm and I was kind and I felt human. Now I just feel like another tragic monster from one of your stories of lost love."
She takes a step back from him. "Maybe I am. Maybe that's all I'm capable of."
“Have I?” He asks, and for a second he can’t breathe around how bad it hurts. “Lost your love?”
He steps forward again, looking into her eyes…and in spite of everything, he finds himself silently asking for help again.
If you’re real, give me this. Give her back to me, Celestine.
“I was wrong, Dahlia—and I am truly sorry for what I did, how badly I handled my own pain. If you can feel, if you love me as much as I love you, I’m not asking you to overlook that. I’m asking for forgiveness—a gift or a goal, I’m willing to earn it.”
Taking a deep breath, he rolls his lips together and reaches for her hand again.
“You’re right—I’ve lost, but my time away from here made me realize I haven’t lost everything. You may be a monster, but that means nothing. I’m a monster, and not all monsters do monstrous things. You’re not a mirror of my losses, you’re a reminder that there’s hope, there is always hope. I promised Celestine my life if she would save yours, and…you’re better. You killed me the day we met, and tonight you put your taloned hand in mine. That means something to me…if it means anything to you, then please, give me a chance. Not a pass, but a chance. I didn’t ask Lisa if she wanted my help, I just did it and damn the consequences. I’m asking you now…please. Please, will you let me help you?”
"I am well because my grandfather decided to put me back whole, because he was satisfied with his betrayal of the deal made to permanently kill me. Once I could transform again, I ate. Grandfather was never going to put me in any real danger, but Celestine couldn't have helped me. The divine can't touch the infernal."
Still, she considers his question. "I---" She starts to speak, but realizes she doesn't know what to say. Can she be helped? Does she want to be? Is she worth it?
Feeling too exposed in this form she so rarely wears, Dahlia shifts back to her normal appearance. A disguise, but it feels safer with the mask back on. Less naked and raw.
"I have to eat. Even separating me from the Pine Devil didn't make that not true, it just made me sick. I was born this way, and choosing not to means death. I'm sorry, but until something changes, this is the most ethical version of this situation that doesn't result in me killing myself. And I don't--- I don't know how I feel. About anything or anyone right now. You decided I didn't love you without asking, and told me so without letting me speak at the community gathering. And then you were gone. I had no choice but to let go of you that day. I already mourned the end of that relationship, I don't... know... what I want now."
"Besides. I know you've been very interested in this... 'free agent' business you posted about on the bulletin board. Considering I'm one of the groups you're looking to be free of, it's not exactly particularly neutral of you to be at my side. I wouldn't want to put a damper on your conscientious objection." There's some disdain in her voice at that. "Go be free."
It's a cord of desperation winding through him, a chant in his head that he can't stop--water and blood spilling over his fingers as she changes back to the face he knows now isn't real. However cold, distant, unsure, that strange and alien and lovely face is her and he finds himself wounded suddenly by its absence.
He thinks of seeing Jack rise from a bullet to the head, that gut-check moment of horror at the unnatural, and the wash of gratitude. Of holding him again after Abaddon claimed him...
Abaddon. The great devourer...Ianto smiles then, small but sincere.
"So you were separated from that part of you which needed to feed." he sighs. "You got sick...but you could recover. There's a way."
The smile turns to laughter as he advances a step--but it's a small one, preserving her personal space.
"I can't let you hurt anyone else--but I'm not giving up on you. I love you--and I won't be free of you. I promise: when you get hungry? When you need to feed? I'll be there."
Whether you like it or not. he adds silently as he takes a steadying breath and folds his hands in front of him.
"And as dismissals go, that won't do. I won't walk away from you again, not unless you tell me you don't want to see or speak to me."
Dahlia scoffs. "Stubborn. Fine. We'll do this your way."
Taking a step forward, she takes a fist full of his shirt and suddenly the reason for her striking physical strength despite her size snaps into place. She's been holding back.
Dahlia meets his eye, holding onto his shirt so tightly that the fabric strains. "You are dismissed. Vacate the premises and maintain a respectful distance until I say otherwise. And if I find out you've spread around what was discussed here today, or you interfere with my business in any way, I will see to it that you scream."
Then, she lets him go. Her stomach churns, hating who she has become.
Ianto’s expression doesn’t change. He doesn’t react to her strength.
When she lets him go, he smiles softly—and shakes his head.
“No.” He replies quietly. “I love you—I won’t betray you. And truthfully, I apologize if I wasn’t clear: I won't walk away from you again unless you tell me you don't want to see or speak to me."
"I am asking you to give me space. That means, for the moment, I do not want to see you. Is that sufficient?" She's getting irritated. But she's being dodgy about repeating his exact words, as if they cut her too.
The evasion does not go unnoticed, but he concedes ground to her in good faith by taking a couple of steps back towards the exit.
“I will phone. I will write. I will send others to inquire about your welfare.” He replies, still smiling.
He even takes another step back.
“Unless you tell me that you don’t want to speak to me. And I shall come to your door once a week to ask if you wish to see me—and I will do so unless you tell me you never want to see me again. Look in my eyes. Speak the words to my face…I love you, and I will do what makes you happy. But you must look in my eyes, and you must tell me it’s what you want.”
Her temper finally snaps and out of nowhere she is screaming at him, an otherworldly growl underneath the shout.
"YOU left ME! YOU'RE the one who left!YOU'RE the one who left the house when I just needed to breathe! YOU'RE the one who HUMILIATED ME in front of EVERYONE and then VANISHED! I already cried for you! Just get out of my FUCKING FACE!"
Dahlia grabs a full bottle of expensive vintage wine that's older than she is and hurls it at Ianto's feet, shattering it. That's a warning shot. She's already got another.
Sorry, Ianto, this is what happens when you date a demon girl with issues.
Ianto doesn’t flinch, but it’s a very near thing as tears flood his eyes.
Because he can see worlds in her rage. He can see a future in the screaming, the ranting—even in the danger.
She still won’t say it. And if she can excise her hurt…there’s hope.
Her pain still makes him ache, so he doesn’t try to stop the tears as they spill free.
“I hurt you. I was so wrong to do that.”
Another step back.
“I’m so very sorry, and I will do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness. Words can’t fix it, but they can be true.”
Another step. Another smile. He has a couple more before his hand will find the railing, before he will finally have no choice but to turn around and do as he is bid.
“I’ll leave. For a while…but you’ll never be alone, Dahlia. My heart is in your hands.”
One more step.
“Beating as you work. Feeling as you try to kill anyone that isn’t me. Loving you, no matter what you’re doing.”
One more step. He reaches back for the railing.
“You’re wrong, you know. The infernal can touch the divine. After all…I’ve touched you.”
He smiles one more time before he turns and, with deliberate slowness, begins his climb up the stairs.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thethirteenthchild
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 03:05 am (UTC)Her frown deepens and her eyes grow colder.
"In me, you see a mirror that reflects everyone you've lost back at you. And you are so focused on these images that you no longer see me. Even now, as I show you the core of myself, you see Lisa, and you think that we're the same. And that my story will end the same way."
"I can feel, Ianto. And for a while, with you, I was warm and I was kind and I felt human. Now I just feel like another tragic monster from one of your stories of lost love."
She takes a step back from him. "Maybe I am. Maybe that's all I'm capable of."
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 04:00 am (UTC)He steps forward again, looking into her eyes…and in spite of everything, he finds himself silently asking for help again.
If you’re real, give me this. Give her back to me, Celestine.
“I was wrong, Dahlia—and I am truly sorry for what I did, how badly I handled my own pain. If you can feel, if you love me as much as I love you, I’m not asking you to overlook that. I’m asking for forgiveness—a gift or a goal, I’m willing to earn it.”
Taking a deep breath, he rolls his lips together and reaches for her hand again.
“You’re right—I’ve lost, but my time away from here made me realize I haven’t lost everything. You may be a monster, but that means nothing. I’m a monster, and not all monsters do monstrous things. You’re not a mirror of my losses, you’re a reminder that there’s hope, there is always hope. I promised Celestine my life if she would save yours, and…you’re better. You killed me the day we met, and tonight you put your taloned hand in mine. That means something to me…if it means anything to you, then please, give me a chance. Not a pass, but a chance. I didn’t ask Lisa if she wanted my help, I just did it and damn the consequences. I’m asking you now…please. Please, will you let me help you?”
Let's keep these two messy for just a little bit longer ;3
Date: 2024-02-23 02:51 am (UTC)Still, she considers his question. "I---" She starts to speak, but realizes she doesn't know what to say. Can she be helped? Does she want to be? Is she worth it?
Feeling too exposed in this form she so rarely wears, Dahlia shifts back to her normal appearance. A disguise, but it feels safer with the mask back on. Less naked and raw.
"I have to eat. Even separating me from the Pine Devil didn't make that not true, it just made me sick. I was born this way, and choosing not to means death. I'm sorry, but until something changes, this is the most ethical version of this situation that doesn't result in me killing myself. And I don't--- I don't know how I feel. About anything or anyone right now. You decided I didn't love you without asking, and told me so without letting me speak at the community gathering. And then you were gone. I had no choice but to let go of you that day. I already mourned the end of that relationship, I don't... know... what I want now."
"Besides. I know you've been very interested in this... 'free agent' business you posted about on the bulletin board. Considering I'm one of the groups you're looking to be free of, it's not exactly particularly neutral of you to be at my side. I wouldn't want to put a damper on your conscientious objection." There's some disdain in her voice at that. "Go be free."
my heart. MY HEART. XD
Date: 2024-02-23 05:52 pm (UTC)It's a cord of desperation winding through him, a chant in his head that he can't stop--water and blood spilling over his fingers as she changes back to the face he knows now isn't real. However cold, distant, unsure, that strange and alien and lovely face is her and he finds himself wounded suddenly by its absence.
He thinks of seeing Jack rise from a bullet to the head, that gut-check moment of horror at the unnatural, and the wash of gratitude. Of holding him again after Abaddon claimed him...
Abaddon. The great devourer...Ianto smiles then, small but sincere.
"So you were separated from that part of you which needed to feed." he sighs. "You got sick...but you could recover. There's a way."
The smile turns to laughter as he advances a step--but it's a small one, preserving her personal space.
"I can't let you hurt anyone else--but I'm not giving up on you. I love you--and I won't be free of you. I promise: when you get hungry? When you need to feed? I'll be there."
Whether you like it or not. he adds silently as he takes a steadying breath and folds his hands in front of him.
"And as dismissals go, that won't do. I won't walk away from you again, not unless you tell me you don't want to see or speak to me."
Re: my heart. MY HEART. XD
Date: 2024-02-24 01:42 am (UTC)Taking a step forward, she takes a fist full of his shirt and suddenly the reason for her striking physical strength despite her size snaps into place. She's been holding back.
Dahlia meets his eye, holding onto his shirt so tightly that the fabric strains. "You are dismissed. Vacate the premises and maintain a respectful distance until I say otherwise. And if I find out you've spread around what was discussed here today, or you interfere with my business in any way, I will see to it that you scream."
Then, she lets him go. Her stomach churns, hating who she has become.
Re: my heart. MY HEART. XD
Date: 2024-02-24 01:50 am (UTC)When she lets him go, he smiles softly—and shakes his head.
“No.” He replies quietly. “I love you—I won’t betray you. And truthfully, I apologize if I wasn’t clear: I won't walk away from you again unless you tell me you don't want to see or speak to me."
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 02:05 am (UTC)“I will phone. I will write. I will send others to inquire about your welfare.” He replies, still smiling.
He even takes another step back.
“Unless you tell me that you don’t want to speak to me. And I shall come to your door once a week to ask if you wish to see me—and I will do so unless you tell me you never want to see me again. Look in my eyes. Speak the words to my face…I love you, and I will do what makes you happy. But you must look in my eyes, and you must tell me it’s what you want.”
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 03:23 am (UTC)Her temper finally snaps and out of nowhere she is screaming at him, an otherworldly growl underneath the shout.
"YOU left ME! YOU'RE the one who left!YOU'RE the one who left the house when I just needed to breathe! YOU'RE the one who HUMILIATED ME in front of EVERYONE and then VANISHED! I already cried for you! Just get out of my FUCKING FACE!"
Dahlia grabs a full bottle of expensive vintage wine that's older than she is and hurls it at Ianto's feet, shattering it. That's a warning shot. She's already got another.
Sorry, Ianto, this is what happens when you date a demon girl with issues.no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 03:41 am (UTC)Because he can see worlds in her rage. He can see a future in the screaming, the ranting—even in the danger.
She still won’t say it. And if she can excise her hurt…there’s hope.
Her pain still makes him ache, so he doesn’t try to stop the tears as they spill free.
“I hurt you. I was so wrong to do that.”
Another step back.
“I’m so very sorry, and I will do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness. Words can’t fix it, but they can be true.”
Another step. Another smile. He has a couple more before his hand will find the railing, before he will finally have no choice but to turn around and do as he is bid.
“I’ll leave. For a while…but you’ll never be alone, Dahlia. My heart is in your hands.”
One more step.
“Beating as you work. Feeling as you try to kill anyone that isn’t me. Loving you, no matter what you’re doing.”
One more step. He reaches back for the railing.
“You’re wrong, you know. The infernal can touch the divine. After all…I’ve touched you.”
He smiles one more time before he turns and, with deliberate slowness, begins his climb up the stairs.