Dahlia nods. "It definitely felt... better. In a strange way. My father's influence over me gives me a sort of sick enjoyment of the fear, the power, but the part of me that's actually me always finds that disgusting." The way Aster forces her to devotion... there is something decidedly grimy about that. "I don't really get many opportunities, though."
Daisy makes a low hum of agreement, then there's a pause before she decides to offer up a bit more honesty. "I don't know what's me and what's the Hunt. Not really. I mean. My self-control, that's me. I know I don't want to hurt most people. But. Still crave it. Still enjoy it when I do. Have for as long as I can remember. Dunno if the Hunt made me like that. Or if it picked me 'cause I was already like that."
Not that she doesn't have an inkling. Her view of her younger self is complicated but uncharitable. Alice could've been better. Alice could've chosen another path. But the Hunt found something in her. Something that had been there ever since she was enough of a person to be or want anything at all.
That growing up with an unknowable eldritch being whispering in your skull might shape a person even before the deal is sealed has never been a grace she's given herself, and it never will be. She refuses to toe so close to excusing herself.
She chose this. Unlike Dahlia, being what she is was always a choice.
"For a long. Long. Fucking time. I didn't question it. At all. Just followed the blood. Kept running away from anything that'd make me think. Then— something happened. Long story—got buried alive, thought a lot. Decided to start. Saying no." She shrugs, loosely. "Didn't go great. Ended up dying for it. But here I am. And I never. In my wildest dreams. Thought I'd be living the way I am now."
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thethirteenthchild
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Date: 2024-07-08 12:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-07-08 03:32 pm (UTC)Daisy makes a low hum of agreement, then there's a pause before she decides to offer up a bit more honesty. "I don't know what's me and what's the Hunt. Not really. I mean. My self-control, that's me. I know I don't want to hurt most people. But. Still crave it. Still enjoy it when I do. Have for as long as I can remember. Dunno if the Hunt made me like that. Or if it picked me 'cause I was already like that."
Not that she doesn't have an inkling. Her view of her younger self is complicated but uncharitable. Alice could've been better. Alice could've chosen another path. But the Hunt found something in her. Something that had been there ever since she was enough of a person to be or want anything at all.
That growing up with an unknowable eldritch being whispering in your skull might shape a person even before the deal is sealed has never been a grace she's given herself, and it never will be. She refuses to toe so close to excusing herself.
She chose this. Unlike Dahlia, being what she is was always a choice.
"For a long. Long. Fucking time. I didn't question it. At all. Just followed the blood. Kept running away from anything that'd make me think. Then— something happened. Long story—got buried alive, thought a lot. Decided to start. Saying no." She shrugs, loosely. "Didn't go great. Ended up dying for it. But here I am. And I never. In my wildest dreams. Thought I'd be living the way I am now."