"Hey--hey, hey, hey." He moves so he can catch her if she does swoon, fast as a blink. "You're alright. You're alright. No one else knows. I only understood because I've been in your dream."
And Cerrit's response is to hold her so fucking tight, like she's one of his own children, beak tucked carefully against the top of her head to make sure he doesn't accidentally scratch her.
"Dolly. Sweetheart, I don't hate you, alright? I need you to understand that first. I'm not mad at you for keeping this secret, especially with what's going on."
Dahlia clings to him tightly and nods just a bit. "Okay. Alright. I--- Alright." Her heartbeat is so fast, realizing she has... absolutely nothing to say for herself. What could she say? How does one justify being a monster? That doesn't even get into the questions he's surely going to ask her.
Yes, tough questions like..."So. How can I help you? You're struggling, and for good reason, given the situation. But you don't need to hold it all alone anymore."
"...I don't know if I'd call it suffering," she confesses. "Struggling, maybe. It's difficult. But I knew what I was. I found out when I was a teenager. That was when I started needing to--- to eat differently."
"It's lonely, and it's never been easy. But it's also just... how it is."
"Right. That part of the dream makes a lot more sense to me now. How much control do you have...when you're not yourself?" She's favoring euphemisms, talking around the heart of the matter, so he follows suit.
"In what sense?" She shrugs. "In where I go, who I attack, and how I do it--- complete control. But I have to do it."
"Aster's domain is that of the Dark Feast. To consume, specifically that which is not yours to feed yourself. I was born--- created to have a biological need to do that. I'm not anemic, I was wasting away because the only way to support myself is to take. Animals aren't enough."
It's unclear what she feels, describing this. Shame almost bubbles past the complacency, alongside anger, but there is so much acceptance, so much bland apathy about the whole thing. This is just the way it is. "The barrier makes sure people don't stay dead. So at least no actual lives are lost anymore."
"Even if people try to kill you permanently." Cerrit saw the note on the bulletin board. He knows the lengths Vika was willing to go to, in order to take her off the board.
"To be honest, I don't know if that's even possible, or what my grandfather said to Vika. I wouldn't put it past him to lie to her. The only thing that is contractually obligated for them is whatever they say directly prior to sealing the deal. A set of terms, within a few sentences, and then a handshake or a question to determine if you accept. Anything they say before or after that is fair game. Eligos could have easily spun her a story or just let her assumptions do the work," Dahlia explains, surprisingly candid about the whole thing.
"Vika seemed to think she was permanently killing me, but the contract written on the board said that my soul would be conveyed to Eligos for whatever he deemed fit. He decided to put half of me back, stripping me of my demonic form. So I looked and felt like shit. Frankly, I probably would have felt better had I gone to the old man's dinner party, but it was too risky.
“Aster offered a few people deals over dinner. I was one of them. And I did accept the one he offered me. The cost of it was that I can’t share information I learn about the Leeds family with anyone who doesn’t know it.”
Her openness is met with openness in kind.
“Thus, your nature is contained. But even so, I wouldn’t have been shouting it from the rooftops. I care too much about you to be free with your secrets, Dolly. The same way I didn’t go talking to just anyone about our dream.”
"I---" That honestly stuns her. They're friends, of course, but the idea that he trusts her enough not to throw her under the bus? wagon is... A lot to take in. Clearly Aster didn't think it possible, otherwise he wouldn't have shortchanged himself with a deal like that just to slow her cover being blown...
"...I'm surprised you're not more put off. That's a lot of trust to put in me, considering."
"I'm not exactly happy with what I know, but...disconnecting from you, leaving you alone, that's not going to help anyone, not either of us. Things are pretty shit right now, but I don't want them to be worse, for you or for anyone."
He shakes his head, nuzzles hers.
"And I hope if you need someone to talk to, you might reach out in the future. I can be a very good listener."
Her heart clenches at the affection, both elated and filled with dread. It's emotionally uncomfortable, the conflict between feelings, but she leans into it anyway.
"I do have to keep doing it, you know. I can't stop."
"I do know. We're going to keep warning people away from the woods. People will still keep going there, thinking they're stronger or better or braver. The same tensions will exist as they always have."
A hesitation.
"Do you know if, um. If a victim being willing ruins anything for you?"
"...A little. But I also can't use the same victim over and over, either. I start to get less and less out of it. It's better if there's a long span of time in between using the same victims..." Then, awkwardly: "I also just. Prefer strangers."
"I--- You don't have to do that. It's terrible." Plus, she wouldn't want to look at him like that. It still stresses her out that she nabbed Ianto right after hiring him for a job. Especially since shortly after, she had to discourage him from hunting her down and killing her. "...I'll ask. If I need to. But I'm going to try not to need to."
"Good. And you have ways of reaching me if you need to talk. You don't need to hold it all alone, always, Dolly." Surprise, you're not going to be dadded at any less, now that Cerrit knows.
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thethirteenthchild
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Date: 2024-02-11 10:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-11 10:38 pm (UTC)She just keeps repeating her plea for forgiveness softly into his feathers. What else is there to say?
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Date: 2024-02-11 10:42 pm (UTC)"Dolly. Sweetheart, I don't hate you, alright? I need you to understand that first. I'm not mad at you for keeping this secret, especially with what's going on."
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Date: 2024-02-11 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-11 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-11 11:33 pm (UTC)"...I don't know if I can be helped. I am what I am, there's no... changing that."
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Date: 2024-02-11 11:43 pm (UTC)He squishes her tighter, warmly wrapping both wings around her body.
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Date: 2024-02-12 12:32 am (UTC)"It's lonely, and it's never been easy. But it's also just... how it is."
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Date: 2024-02-12 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-12 03:32 am (UTC)"Aster's domain is that of the Dark Feast. To consume, specifically that which is not yours to feed yourself. I was born--- created to have a biological need to do that. I'm not anemic, I was wasting away because the only way to support myself is to take. Animals aren't enough."
It's unclear what she feels, describing this. Shame almost bubbles past the complacency, alongside anger, but there is so much acceptance, so much bland apathy about the whole thing. This is just the way it is. "The barrier makes sure people don't stay dead. So at least no actual lives are lost anymore."
no subject
Date: 2024-02-12 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-13 05:21 pm (UTC)"Vika seemed to think she was permanently killing me, but the contract written on the board said that my soul would be conveyed to Eligos for whatever he deemed fit. He decided to put half of me back, stripping me of my demonic form. So I looked and felt like shit. Frankly, I probably would have felt better had I gone to the old man's dinner party, but it was too risky.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-13 06:08 pm (UTC)Her openness is met with openness in kind.
“Thus, your nature is contained. But even so, I wouldn’t have been shouting it from the rooftops. I care too much about you to be free with your secrets, Dolly. The same way I didn’t go talking to just anyone about our dream.”
no subject
Date: 2024-02-15 07:54 pm (UTC)bus?wagon is... A lot to take in. Clearly Aster didn't think it possible, otherwise he wouldn't have shortchanged himself with a deal like that just to slow her cover being blown..."...I'm surprised you're not more put off. That's a lot of trust to put in me, considering."
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Date: 2024-02-15 08:16 pm (UTC)He shakes his head, nuzzles hers.
"And I hope if you need someone to talk to, you might reach out in the future. I can be a very good listener."
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Date: 2024-02-15 08:30 pm (UTC)"I do have to keep doing it, you know. I can't stop."
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Date: 2024-02-15 08:42 pm (UTC)A hesitation.
"Do you know if, um. If a victim being willing ruins anything for you?"
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Date: 2024-02-15 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-15 09:06 pm (UTC)...it's the opposite of what her grandpappy would want, Cerrit realizes.
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Date: 2024-02-15 09:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-18 02:37 am (UTC)